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Darth Vader: Return of the Jedi to the Unemployment Line



An excellently funny blog post.  Thanks to the boys and girls at for this!

Darth Vader: Return of the Jedi to the Unemployment Line

Serial ladder climber, Darth Vader, maintained an excellent run maiming, pillaging and causing chaos in his wake. He rose from an orphaned child on Tatooine to dominate the Empire as Supreme Commander.

But one day you’re running the universe and the next, you’re a sad, unmasked pile of bones fit for nothing but a funeral pyre.

Now, as balance has been established in the Empire, he is out of work and looking for a new position.

Here is his breakdown:

Problem Solving Ability: Very High

Darth Vader is highly intelligent, placing in the top 5% in a galaxy far, far away. He is one step ahead of the game, at all times, out maneuvering his opponents and seeing his army as a whole made of many parts. He commands with an iron fist, a position attained by his ability to create power from nothing, a sign of high intelligence.

Conscientiousness: Very High

Vader is the quintessential task-master. He keeps everyone to a high standard of detail. Without this ability, there is no way the Death Star could have been completed on time and on budget, and certainly no way the rebuilding of the formidable space station with a lesser robotically assisted man at the helm. His achievement orientation and drive are obvious with Darth Vader rising to the number two position in his organization in a relatively short amount of time (attrition may also be a factor for his steady rise).

Stress Tolerance: Very Low

This is most visible when the smallest of mistakes is made by an underling. He appears to stay calm and cool on the exterior (it’s plastic, so how would we know anyway?), but his rage manifests when he virtually chokes out members of his executive team. His volatility is a sure sign of low stress tolerance, as was his hefty withdrawal from society, upon the news of Padme’s death.

Extraversion: Low

He is unable to stand near or around people for any stretch of time. He prefers solitude. Instead of face to face contact, he enjoys talking to holograms of his mentor and closest friend, the Emperor. As a boy he could be the life of the party and was willing to get into misadventures wherever he was. Age and new-found spiritual beliefs have brought him to a different state when it comes to social interactions and he now prefers being alone and unbothered.

Agreeableness: Very Low

Darth Vader is as low as you can go in agreeableness. It is his way or the space-highway. Again, the only exception is with the Emperor where he would agree and carry out his bidding with very little hesitation, which was most likely due to his conscientiousness and need for order.

Openness: Average

He can be novel with his approach to things, but he mainly stays within a conservative range of ideas. Squash the rebellion, build up industry across the galaxy and then rule. His motives are strategic and militaristic and he does not prefer theoretical discussion. His conservative nature is apparent in Empire’s spacecraft and uniforms. Silvers, whites, greys and blacks dominate the visual landscape of the Empire. Where rebels will allow non-conforming attire wearers/nerf-herders such as Han Solo to infiltrate their ranks, the Empire keeps all in alignment.


Darth Vader is manipulative, aggressive, and will not adhere to anyone else’s dress code. Ominous music follows him wherever he goes, which may interrupt the shared workspace and reduce moral.

He brought about his own demise when he mutinied his master, Emperor Palpatine, by throwing him into the Death Star’s reactor. Yes, it was an act of bravery, but did he really ask himself “is this good for the company”?

Bottom Line: Do not hire. He will plan to take over your company and you might lose more than a hand in the process.




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